TAX DAY!

Because I put everything of till the very last minute, I have to be completely organized so everything runs flawlessly. This is the list of items that you will need for doing your taxes last minute.

1. Towel
2. Muscle relaxant
3. A Strong friend
4. Pen
5. White-out
6. A shoulder of a mother (preferably yours)
7. Banana peel
8. Pillow
9. Giant pair of pliers
10. Phone
11. Smelling salts or an old fish.

Are you ready?!

First take out item number 3 and begin filling out the forms.

Realize that you have put the wrong number in the wrong place and get angry, use item #2.

Because you took too much relaxant, have item #3 put you back into your chair and hold you there till you finish filling out forms… Line 4 minus line 5 plus headache.

Use item #5 to remove the “note” you wrote around the edge of the form to remind the government that the IRS is not Constitutionally mandated.

Realize that the muscle relaxant is worn off, and ask item #3 to wait upstairs, while you use item #6.

Place item: #7 at the top of the stairs, #8, #11, and #10 at the bottom of the stairs, and hand #9 and #1 to #3.

Run up the stairs as fast as you can while holding your completed tax forms with your arms straight out. #3 will grab the envelope with #9 out of your cold death grip, as you slip on #7 and begin falling down the stairs.

As you fall, #3 will wipe off all the tears from your return with #1 and take the return to the post office.

An hour later you wake from the smell of dead fish, with your head on a pillow. Use #10 to call someone that cares.

Congratulations. You are done. This list is re-useable.